Whether you are in a relationship or not (but certainly if you are) you have to read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Chapman has clearly had an insight into relationships in a way that we don't often hear about. The advice he gives isn't wishy-washy and impractical and it's not anything you have heard before. His advice is specific, testable, repeatable and observable - it is the science of improving your relationships! One of the best parts of the book is that you can start testing it out straight away and it also gives you a clearer picture of who you are, too.
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Personally, I think a lot of relationships have angst because we don't know what we want and people don't communicate well. We also act on emotions over logic, which doesn't work, no matter how many movies tell you it's a good idea to go with your fleeting-feelings than what is actually right. Sometimes when I get mad at my boyfriend, I have to sit and think to myself "is it reasonable to be mad right now?" or even "why am I mad?".
The 5 Love Languages helps give you an insight into why you might react in certain ways, why you don't feel loved and why your partner doesn't seem to appreciate the things you do for them.
The book basically sums up how people tend to give love and how we feel loved.
There are 5 main love languages and most of us have one main one that we feel the most loved when someone "communicates" through it and therefore, tends to be the language we express our love through to other people around us.
That is part of the problem.
We tend to show love to our partners in our own preferred love language instead of through what love language they speak.
The languages are...
Words of affirmation:
You receive love through what you hear, particularly through compliments and appreciative words/messages. Because of this, you might be prone to telling your partner how much they mean to you and expressing love through what you say.
Quality time:
You need time with your partner, but not just time sitting around doing nothing. You both need to participate in quality, well-spent time together, doing what you both enjoy.
Physical touch:
No, this one isn't the sexual one! It means you feel love most when you and your partner are physically connected, for example holding hands, sitting close to one another. If someone is upset you might feel the need to hug them or touch them to try to make them feel better.
Gifts:
This language does not mean you are greedy! Receiving gifts means a lot more to this person, whether it be big or small, it reminds them that their partner is thinking of them. It might also mean that if you get a gift that you don 't rate highly, you may feel hurt, let down or disappointed more than someone else might.
Acts of service:
For this language, actions speak louder than words. This person feels loved and appreciated through the acts of service their partner does for them.
The love languages aren't strictly just for romantic relationships, either. You can use this knowledge to your advantage in any relationship. You might already feel like you know what your love language is by looking at the list. You might be able to start analysing those around you to figure out what their love language is, too. If you're not sure, try the love language test.
The point of knowing your own/your partner's love language is to strengthen your relationship. It will help you understand what you want out of a partnership and how to help make your partner happy, too.
The author, Gary Chapman goes into a lot more detail in his book and gives some interesting testimonials of real people using his advice to strengthen their marriages and relationships. But after reading this book, you feel like a relationship expert and you begin to see why your relationship might not be as tight-knit as it could be and shows you how to overcome that - well worth a read!
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